The New Dateline

I didn’t make this up.

My friend, Kevin H. Destroy, recently brought a new dating website to my attention. This one, however, has quite a specific purpose.

The site is called PotPartner.com As the name implies, the site is intended to give pot smokers a place to find their pot smoking soul mate. Their official mission statement is much funnier, my comments are in parentheses:

“Welcome to Potpartner.com, we know how hard it is for people that smoke marijuana to be accepted by people who do not (shocking.). You meet a new person, but bringing up that you like to smoke is often a deal breaker with someone who does not smoke. So here we are (no period here?) Potpartner.com is a place for people to find others that enjoy smoking marijuana or are tolerant to it. Potpartner is not a place to come score marijuana (right, no one is going to use this site to score drugs…no one at all). We hope you enjoy our site.”

On the front page of the site, you’ll find a poorly photoshopped tattoo on a model’s arm. Seriously, you couldn’t find a model with a real pot tattoo? You’ll also find their “featured members.” With screen names like “Schumyyummy,” “stoneylover,” “4StOnEr2RoCk,” (yes, people who smoke pot do tend to type like this and it makes me want to kill them) and “Smoker420,” you know you are in a place for winners.

The site also has an “Ask Mary Fourtwenty” (really clever name by the way) section. Mary seems like a really nice girl. “Hello, I’m Mary Fourtwenty, the resident Pot and Smoking expert!! If you have any questions regarding smoking pot and relationships, you can send them to me, and I will answer them.”

LiKe, oMg, FoR rEalZZ?

Despite Mary’s generous offer, no one has actually asked her anything. Therefore, she was nice enough to start the dialog herself. “Ok I’ll start it off…does anyone have any questions on smoking and having sex (my personal fav….) email me…I can’t wait.” You.are.creepy.as.fuck.

Seriously. I didn’t make this up either.

My review of the site isn’t all Roses though. (I swear I wrote that before I found the above picture, and for that reason, I find the pun to be hilarious…or it could be that it’s 3am. You decide.) I was greatly disappointed to find out that, despite the multitude of smiley faces available, there is NOT a pot smoking smiley. You have ONE demographic; people who smoke pot. You couldn’t have made a fucking smiley for them? They need to express the fact that they are smoking pot while sending a message in a way other than using words. Don’t you see?

Now, while I could simply go on ranting for hours about this site, you are probably asking about my title by this point. And it’s time to reveal my plan.

We’ve all seen the Dateline specials on MySpace by now. You know, they pose as an underage girl, try to get some idiot to talk about having sex with the girl and then have him come over, usually with wine coolers and condoms in hand. Only, when he gets there, it’s not that 15 yr old girl he was talking to, it’s the guy from Dateline…and the cops.

Well, I feel like this site could have some potential in that arena. I’d pretty much be ok with someone stepping in and doing some Dateline work on something like this. While I don’t particularly agree that marijuana should be illegal, the bottom line is, it is. And you have an entire website devoted to people who want to meet other people who participate in illegal activity. So, why not make a show out of it?

I propose something along the lines of the following. We pretend to be someone who “LiKe LuVs tO fOuR tWenTy,” in an effort to get other members of the site to divulge incriminating information about themselves, including perhaps who their dealers are. We then invite this person over, “to 420,” asking them to bring over some “stuff.”

When they show up, they’ll find a well dressed host and camera crew waiting for them.

Kevin H. Destroy had some great ideas for the next part…

Kevin Hearts Destroy: let me read you the transcripts we have from your emails: “hey… so you down to smoke out some sticky icky? i’ve got the illest herb… shit will make you deaf!”

At this point, the cops come in, and arrest them for possession as they yell obscenities at the host, kicking and screaming their way out of the house. We call that the Springer moment in the industry (don’t say). We’ll make sure, of course, to remove all kitchen knives and other various items which could be used against said host. We don’t want any “incidents” after all.

Come to think of it, I think I want to host this show. I’m ok with putting myself in danger, provided of course that I get a red phone or “pot button” linked directly to the Long Beach Police Department.

“We got another one.”
“We’ll be right over.”

Watch out Potpartners…we’re coming for you.

~ by Kyle Davidson on May 30, 2007.