The writer believes things will never change. He thinks you’ll never make your exit. 26 weeks, 12 months, half a decade…you and I will still be standing in the same places we are now; waiting. For what? None of us are sure.

The producer wants you gone, he’s wanted you gone since the moment your character entered the story. He’s always felt you were a threat to me, to my direction, or lack thereof. Whatever the fuck that means.

Speculation gets the better of me, I can’t imagine the feeling is any different on your side. Wondering, waiting, wallowing…it has to be symmetrical doesn’t it? Though, symmetry was never our strongpoint. We never had any of it when it mattered, not in our on-camera scenes. One of us was almost always on the wrong mark, or had the wrong line, or the wrong expression. Almost.

But there were those times when we just clicked. Our timing and pace were perfect, our words intertwined, the lighting revealing only what mattered, hiding all the flaws that never really mattered to us or the audience. Those were the times that the producer and the writer got along, when their vision of us merged into one. Sure they were sparse, and fleeting…but they were unlike anything ever seen, pure euphoria. And so we kept filming.

You must be feeling this…(I hope you are)

Tonight probably isn’t the night to make a return. It doesn’t seem like the night that I’ll showcase my finest work. But tonight is the first time I felt I had to write in over a year.

Re-living my last three posts, which cover nearly the last two years, it occurred to me how many times my life has transformed, only to end up in exactly the same place. That leads me to one of two possible conclusions:

1. I’m insane.

2. Something keeps pushing me in the same direction.

I honestly can’t decide which one I’d rather be the case. On the one hand, being insane sounds awful, but at least it’s a resolution. The second explanation only leads to more wondering, more work, more hopes to be crushed, more time to be lost striving for something I’m not even sure I’m capable of…but at least I haven’t lost my mind.

The last post gives me chills..not because it’s so outwardly thought-provoking or unique (it’s not). Quite the opposite in fact. It’s making my skin tingle and my eyes water because of how accurate it is right now.

This has already gone much too far…And I’m stuck. Stuck between believing I have to weather the storm…or ending this impossible attempt at pretending we don’t exist, even just for a moment. Because we do exist, and we’re incomplete in our separate worlds.

Struggling to admit what I truly believe, if only because it leaves me vulnerable, broken without you. But I’m only fooling myself for a short time. Reality will collapse on top of me regardless of words.

It’s as if my future is already written, or at least the future I (know I’ll) want. Every moment in between is just filling up the space, it’s just to pass the time. I wish it were that simple. I wish it were that easy. It’s not, at least it’s not for me.

I have to analyze these feelings, my actions, their overall relevance, their percentage of truth and logic, what they mean now, what they’ll mean for my future. Over and over, the thoughts cycle through their potential outcomes. It’s exhausting beyond belief and I wish it could stop. But then I don’t really, because there’s a part of me that believes it’s the only thing that makes me any different than anyone else. It’s what lifts me above the masses.

There’s a large part of me that believes love is just like any other drug. We all strive for these moments that aren’t concrete or lasting. We chase with no end in sight. We fight with almost zero chance of victory. We endure torturous amounts of pain. We do all of that and more…just to get that high. And just like any other drug, when we think about the effects, the only thing that comes to mind is the high, not the strife and sacrifice that led to it, and not the slide into darkness that follows…just the high. Just the moment when the world felt balanced, dreams mixed into reality, and life just felt right.

It’s textbook addiction, but not only is it socially acceptable…it’s socially expected. My cynical side would like to file the feeling away as an evil fantasy. As a taboo. As something that lacks reality or perspective. But there’s one thing that keeps me from that. Every day I wake up, I think…

We (It) do(es) exist, and we’re incomplete in our separate worlds.

This has already gone much too far and we’re less than halfway through. And I’m stuck. Stuck between believing I have to weather the storm, to follow the plan, or ending this impossible attempt at pretending we don’t exist, even just for a moment. Because we do exist, and we’re incomplete in our separate worlds.

Struggling to admit what I truly believe, if only because it leaves me vulnerable, broken without you. But I’m only fooling myself for a short time. Reality will collapse on top of me regardless of words.

Every moment I think of you, I imagine you here, in my grasp, and it becomes overwhelming. But imagining my life without you feels impossibly worse.

I want need to do what’s right for us, but most importantly, what’s right for you. And I truly hope this is it.

Face-to-face in a moment that could be nothing less than the ultimate reality. Staring down the possibility that I’m reading the line and thinking it’s the only thing to say, re-reading it, bouncing it off of others for their approval. It sounds true… perhaps right, even. And that can’t be a good thing.

Signs follow me in my sleep, there’s no rest for the w(e)ary. The efforts to suspend the sub-conscious and mornings full of guilt and (hopeful) disbelief are fading into the night. The dreams are the last indicators before perception becomes reality.

I can’t help wondering what brought me here. And I can’t help but wonder if it’s impossible that it will take me away. Trapped deep inside this misrepresentation, trying to claw my way out seems futile.

Fuck it.

I still… but I just don’t think I’m…

And now i’ve come to this point. I’ve come to the point of abandonment. I’ve abandoned everything I’ve ever thought was right. I’ve abandoned my reasoning, my logic, my pattern of thinking…my tao. 

So here I am…I’m all you’ve ever wanted and everything I’ve ever feared. I’m yours. Giving you everything you want. Laying myself on the ground for you. 

This is the moment of truth. This is the moment where you decide. I’m leaving it up to you. I’m letting go of everything for you. 

I’m all in. What are you?

Charter: For Life

I really don’t even want to dignify this thing with a logical analysis and conclusion, but I have to. Ok, as of the time of this posting, the high bid was $39,007.00. Let’s assume that Charter’s most expensive internet plan is about $50. That’s 780 months. That’s 65 years. That’s longer than just about everyone who is old enough to spend $39,007.00 will live.

Even assuming you live that long, let’s think about this for a second. Why would someone do this? The cost of internet is steadily declining, there are entire cities with free wifi coverage. Many people think that free internet is inevitable.

Next problem, inflation. What the fuck is $39,007.00 going to be worth in 65 years. 65 years ago, if you had $39,007.00…you would have the 2008 equivalent of, oh…a fucking house ($308,244.83). And these jackasses want to spend it…on internet.

To conclude, these people are fucking idiots. All of them need to be put on a fucking island…and we need to sink it into the fucking ocean.

New Rule: Scientists must explain why we will stop and watch a movie on cable even though we own that exact same movie on DVD, and could watch it any time we want. I call it “Shawshank” Syndrome. And I’ve realized that DVD’s are a lot like marriage: when it’s there every single night, just sitting right in front of you, for some reason, you don’t feel like putting it in.

Damn you Ronin. You got me again.

As I boarded the plane to LA I noticed the flight attendants and a gate agent having a discussion about the place of the peanut in the airline industry. Specifically, they were talking about whether airlines should ban them or not because of people with allergies…

Now, I’m not an expert on the subject but I was under the impression that one had to ingest peanuts or at the very least make physical contact with them in order to have a reaction to said peanuts. Anyways, thinking nothing of it, I move past them, shuffle my way back to 7A, put my carry-on in the overhead and tap 7C on the shoulder since the concept of getting the fuck out of the row to let the window seat passenger get to his destination is a foreign concept. Is nothing sacred anymore?

As I get settled, a nearby conversation catches my attention.

“They have to be kidding right? Why don’t they just not serve them?!”

It’s 8C, a 20 something who looks like he’s on his way back from spring break ninety-eight. No seriously, he’s not in college. He’s just one of those creeps that still goes to spring break 5 years after he dropped out going around referring to USC as his alma mater and asking sophomores if they want to party.

(It should be noted… I’m not against to this practice as a whole. I’m just against this guy, doing it in the way I know he did. If, by chance one were to go to spring break, or maybe summer break, maybe in Cancun, one should keep it classy. I.E. Have a degree, but fake like one was still in school, call oneself Peter the freshman and insist one’s ID was a fake. Oh, and one should probably still ask girls if they wanted to party, but one should be joking, sort of. )

Since I have no idea what 8C is talking about, I decide to move on to eyeing the potential middle seat fillers.

No, not you. God, please not you. Oh thank you Jesus. (I don’t really believe in Jesus, per se. But I’d definitely love to have Jesus as a friend. No, not THE Jesus…he’s a cockblock. Just A Jesus.) Alright, she would be ok. Small, Asian grandma, but a young grandma, probably would bitch out and let me have both armrests. Do it. Look at the seat and get in it. Protect me from the other potential 7B fillers. Yes! She’s so here. My excitement would be short lived, more on this later.

No way. No fucking way. 7C is at it again. She’s trying to make the dry cleaner from American Psycho do the squeeze by. (I’ve just noticed the striking resemblance and now all I want to do is scream “STUPID BITCHY!”)

If Karma exists, 7C will have her foot amputated by the service cart at 36000 feet.

Things are getting interesting…The gate agent and one of the FAs come back through the aisle and utter the following words to 8C:

“This is a peanut flight sir. We have to serve them.”

As it would turn out, 8C is the cause of the peanut discussion in the galley. (You know how hard it was not to use peanut gallery here?)

“I just came from FloriDUH…” (Called it! SPRING BREAK NINETY EIGHT!!)”…and they didn’t serve them on that flight.”

“Well this is a peanut flight sir.”

Why does she keep saying that? Are there non-peanut flights? I was completely unaware of this distinction. And if there are shouldn’t there be other non-_____ flights, where things that people are allergic to aren’t allowed? Like non-fish flights, non-egg flights…or a Non-fat girls flight? God that would be great. “Excuse me ma’am, I’m sorry, but this is a non fat girl flight.”

Back to the drama…

“Well, that was a peanut flight too. They started to serve them, I told them that I was allergic, and they stopped and took them away from everyone.”

Whoa. Is this guy serious? Are peanuts fucking airborne? If so I’m pretty sure they’ve had a presence on this plane before and this guy is fucked.

“Sir we are required to serve them. If we didn’t the other passengers would be very upset.”

Now, I don’t know about if anyone was going to storm the cockpit if they don’t get their peanuts, but I love that they are drawing the line with this guy.

“So what yr saying is you don’t want to have people upset at you for not serving them peanuts, and you’d rather have me die on your plane instead?”

That’s exactly what they are saying. And there’s nothing that would make me happier. No, wait. Promise to make your dying words “Spring break forever!”

“Sir, we are serving them. So are you going to be ok, or are you getting off this plane?”

“This is bullshit.”

This is too much fun. I had to get in on it…

“Well this IS a peanut flight, man.” I said.

“What’s it to you bro?”

This is where I used the Randall method of annoyance…

“I like peanuts, BRO. And I bet a lot of other people like them too, BRO.”

“I’m allergic.”

“Well BRO, you should book yourself on non-peanut flights BRO.”

Five minutes ago I didn’t even know these things existed (I still don’t know if they do), and now I’m a resident-fucking-expert. I can’t wait to get my peanuts, and throw them at this guy.

Well, we’re moving and 8C isn’t going anywhere. I guess his allergy must not be that bad, or else he’s willing to risk death to get back to LA.

As we’re taxiing, I notice that the dry cleaning lady is looking at me type. It’s so rude, I can’t help fucking with her.

My first thought was to just start looking at porn. The initial reaction would be great, but then I realized that she’d just look away and that would be the end of it.

(Interesting aside here, what are the rules on this? Can one look at porn on his or her laptop while on an airplane? Is there such a thing as a non-porn flight? I mean provided I have a headset and I’m not sitting next to a minor, I’m not breaking any rules that I’m aware of. Note to self: Attempt this. )

But, I digress. I’m devoted to fucking with 7B, the dry cleaner, the screen reader…and I’ve thought of the perfect way to do it.

I open a new email and start to type in it. And when I type, I start telling the story of my trip. No, not my real trip…the trip that Patrick Bateman would’ve taken. I type horrible things, things I probably won’t even put in this blog., but 7B is locked in. Her body language is more and more uncomfortable but she just won’t stop reading. Just when she’s about to lose it, I type in big capital letters, “I’M WATCHING YOU READ THIS,” which may be creepier than saying “I’M WATCHING YOU.”

Immediately her eyes shift, mouth agape and this problem is officially solved.

All is quiet during the climb, but I know things will change soon. The peanuts are coming.

8C is losing his mind. The peanut basket it making it’s way towards him, menacing sounds of aluminium foil and small death nuts shaking through the cabin. I’ve never seen anyone so freaked out in my life. This guy could star in any horror film, so long as it was about peanuts.

For the record, I have no intention of eating them, but I take a pack anyways, and then just as the FA passes by, I ask for another pack. She reaches back across over 8Cs head and tries to hand them to me. He shrinks down into his seat, closes his eyes and turns his head like he’s just seen Satan. As her hand gets close to mine, I act as though I have a grip on the nuts only to let them fall right onto spring break’s lap. Oh the horror.

“Sorry BRO,” I say. Accepting the loss with the knowledge that I still have another pack at the ready.

He starts to calm down after kicking the nuts to the other side of the aisle. A gesture which 7D was initally upset with, but an extra bag of peanuts smoothes the situation over quickly.
At this point, I probably would’ve just gone to sleep, but since 7B-Asian is one of those I-keep-my-god-damn-reading-light-on-regardless-of-whether-or-not-I’m-actually-reading people, I just stare blankly at Alvin and the Chipmunks for an hour.

I basically can’t take it anymore and realize peanut boy is still breathing. I decide it’s time for the grand finale.

Reaching into my pocket, I grab the pack of peanuts and hold them tight in front of me. We’ve all done this a hundred times but probably not on purpose. Here goes…

With one rip, it happens. Peanuts fly out from the center of the bag in every direction and 8C is up. He’s out of his seat retreating down the aisle.

“Ahhh!” he whimpers as he nearly runs into the service cart.

He’s got everyone’s attention now and an explanation is in order.

“The peanuts, they’re all over. They’re everywhere.”

Everyone just stares blankly as he hyperventilates.

“I’m allergic, I can’t- I can’t be near them. I can’t- I can’t breathe.”

This guy is full of shit. If he starts turning colours, I might start filming this…but he doesn’t. And I’m basically convinced he isn’t really allergic to peanuts at all. This is where I’d love to have one of those Lebowski moments where I just call him out and shove a bag into his mouth. But, erring on the side of caution, and not going to jail for the rest of my life, I realize that the embarrassment that resulted from his little episode in the middle of an airplane was probably enough punishment for him being a peanut nazi.

So that was it…and If there is such a thing as Karma, I’ll become allergic to peanuts and die on an airplane. But since 7C’s foot is still in tact, I’m thinking I’ll be fine.

Take a look at this masterpiece, highlighting the various venues and amenities nearby her and Annelise’s new apartment.

Trainz.

Here’s the start.

Alonso makes a Schumacher-esque start and almost runs Massa off the road in an effort to keep Massa behind. Raikkonen makes another terrible start and ends up in 6th.

The order is Hamilton, Alonso, Massa, Heidfeld, Kovalainen and Raikkonen.

Barrichelo and Coulthard are out after a first lap incident. Guess who took them out?

This guy. Ralf got his Toyota sideways and smacked several cars on their right hand side bodywork. Hooray! Ralf crashes (again) and doesn’t even finish a lap. He’s called it a “racing incident.” That explanation only works when yr actually racing, not just driving around aimlessly collecting your 20mil a year.

Kimi Raikkonen is on the harder of the two tire compounds. Speculation is that he is running quite a bit heavier on fuel. Alonso is rumored to be light on fuel.

You can question the “purity” of the Indianapolis F1 circuit all you want…what you can’t question is the passing that it allows. I think I’ve seen more passes in the first 10 minutes of this race then I’ve seen all year.

Unfortunately, none of them have been at the front. The McLaren’s seem to be pulling away again. It’s hard to believe that Ferrari simply can’t keep up.

Takuma Sato is being investigated by the Stewards for overtaking during a local yellow at Turn 1.

Renault has a really amazing website where you can follow the telemetry from both of their cars. It’s right here. Select the US Gran Prix from the Season menu.

Kimi is still stuck stuck behind Kovalainen, falling further and further behind the leader. Kimi is now 15 seconds back from Lewis Hamilton. I’m not sure that Kimi could be much more of a disappointment to Ferrari than he has been thus far.

Hamilton, Massa, Heidfeld and Alonso just stopped for tires and fuel. All except Heidfeld are remaining on the soft compound tires. Heidfeld reportedly came in earlier than expected due to a tire that was losing pressure.

Takuma Sato’s possible penalty won’t matter now. He’s spun his Super Aguri-Honda and could not get it out of the gravel trap. After so much success in Canada, this has to be a very disappointing weekend for Sato.

Raikkonen is in the pits, earlier than everyone expected…read: hoped. Truly no excuse for his performance now. He’s changed to the soft compound tires.

For the third race in a row, there’s no fight at the front.

Kovalainen relinquishes the race lead with his pit stop. It was a very short stop, made in hopes that he would make it out in front of Raikkonen and Heidfeld. Unfortunately, the gamble didn’t work, both drivers flashed by and now Kovalainen has only 20 laps worth of fuel. His final stint will be almost 26 laps.

Heidfeld seems to be struggling on the harder compound tires. Raikkonen is now pulling away and seems to be in a great position to take 4th…provided he can maintain the speed needed to stay in front of those on a one-stop strategy.

Hamilton and Alonso are running very close to one another. Hamilton is now leading by only 1.2 seconds. Alonso has seemed a bit miffed lately by Hamilton’s success and a rivalry is quickly developing between these two.

The order is now Hamilton, Alonso, Massa, Rosberg (who has yet to pit), Raikkonen, Heidfeld and Kovalainen.

Kimi is now on Rosberg’s tail, desperate to pass as they weave through lapped traffic.

The timing of the commercial breaks on FOX is KILLING me. First they miss ALL of the leader’s pit stops. Now they are going away for break just as the one stoppers are due in the pits and while Alonso is inching closer and closer to Hamilton’s rear wing. Not to mention that they will be tape delaying Give me SPEED back!

Alonso and Hamilton are right in the middle of a fight now. They swerved all over the front straightaway in an attempt to pass and prevent being passed. Hamilton forced Alonso all the way to the outside to prevent Alonso from getting a shot.

Derek Daly has just said “I hate to see blocking like that.” Derek, yr another hated part of the US Gran Prix Coverage this week. You know nothing about F1, Derek. Shut up.

Alonso has fallen back from Hamilton a bit after the attempted pass. He is reeling him back in, however.

Meanwhile, Rosberg is in the pits. The fuel hose got stuck on the car, keeping Rosberg in the pits for four to five seconds longer than necessary.

And right as Alonso is closing up on Hamilton again…FOX goes to commercial. Why do I KNOW that the only pass that happens at the front will come during a commercial. Bob Varsha’s “While we were away…” will be heard all too soon. My personal hopes is that it will be followed with “…Alonso and Hamilton have taken each other out on the main straight.” I think that’s about the only way Ferrari has any hope of winning this race.

Ferrari: You need to find a way to get Michael Schumacher to race again. I don’t care if it takes money, the threat of the Italian mafia or brainwashing. Get it done.

I don’t know if Raikkonen heard me or not, but he seems to be driving with a fury. He’s catching Massa by almost a half second a lap. Don’t forget, too, that Raikkonen has already used the harder of the two tire compounds which means his final stint should be just as fast as this one.

It’s hard to say if McLaren team prinicpal, Ron Dennis has told Alonso to back off or if Alonso is suddenly unable to keep up with Hamilton any longer, but in either case, it seems Alonso is unable to keep up. The gap is now 1.2 seconds. Speculation is that Alonso has a couple laps more fuel than Hamilton which would allow the pass to be made in the pits, which I’m sure McLaren would vastly prefer.

Alonso has just had another off-road excursion. You’ll recall he had several of these during the Canadian Gran Prix.

Kovalainen is in for his second stop. He is now on the harder of the two tire compounds. And…

FOX takes another break, surely just as soon as the second stops are set to begin. While we’re stuck watching promos for Family Guy and other terrible TV shows (yes, I just implied Family Guy is a terrible TV show), the most crucial part of the race is likely occurring.

Alonso has pitted…before Hamilton…huh?

Raikkonen has just set the fastest lap of the race.

Hamilton is in, with a 23.5 second gap between himself and Alonso. 7.1 second stop for Hamilton, slightly longer than Alonso. Hamilton safely makes it out in front of Alonso. Let the speculation on why Alonso was brought in early begin now. However, it certainly seems if Alonso had not gone off the road before his pit stop, or he hadn’t been brought in early, he might be leading this race.

Massa is in the pits from the race lead. 7.1 seconds for Massa’s stop. Massa is now on the hard tires with Kimi closely behind on the softer compound. (Yes, during the break Raikkonen stopped, thanks FOX).

Alonso seems unable to reel in Hamilton and it seems unlikely we’ll see another attempt at a pass.

Just as Kimi gets the gap down to .8 seconds behind Massa, FOX takes another break.

Sidenote™: I’m starting to think that Ralf may have crashed on the first lap purposely. Even though the team won’t like it, at least he’ll have saved himself the embarrassment of being unable to drive faster than 95% of the drivers in the field.

“While we were away…” (there it is) “…we lost one of the Saubers. Nic Heidfeld’s day is over with a hydraulic failure. Hugely disappointing for the BMW Sauber team after such a great weekend thus far.

Raikkonen is now right on Massa’s tail. The announcers claim they heard a Ferrari radio transmission during the break (of course) but they couldn’t discern what was said (of course). It’s unclear if the Ferrari drivers have been told to hold station.

The Ferrari’s are 13.5 seconds behind the back of Alonso’s McLaren.

Sebastian Vettel, the 19 year old driver who is filling in for Robert Kubica after his horrendous crash in Canada, is running in 9th spot in his first Formula 1 Gran Prix ever.

Raikkonen seems desperate to get by Massa. Kimi is clearly faster but he seems unable to keep up on the straight.

Anthony Davidson has just passed Jensen Button for 12th spot. A dagger into the heart of the factory Honda to see one of their customer cars driving right by them.

The Rosberg, the Rosberg, the Rosberg is on fire. We don’t need no water let the…wait, seriously, get some water on there.

That now leaves Vettel in 8th position which would make him the youngest man in Formula 1 history to ever score a championship point.

The order as it stands…and probably will stand: Hamilton, Alonso, Massa, Raikkonen, Kovalainen, Trulli, Webber and Vettle.

Here’s the final lap. I really can’t bear to watch Hamilton on the podium or in the press conference room again. Most likely, thanks to FOX, I won’t have to watch the latter.

Hamilton takes the win. Alonso second, then Massa, Raikkonen, Kovalainen, Trulli, Webber and Vettle rounding out the top 8.

“You won’t want to miss this podium ceremony…” Yeah, I will.

Seriously, who’s idea was this? They should be taken out in the back and shot.

Look, I’m all for art and symbolism, but a creepy old dude, creepily staring into the camera for a full, creepy minute, turning around and wandering creepily over to a rock, picking it up, tossing it into a lake and creepily walking away only symbolizes one thing to me…Mike Gravel is insane and scares me.

“And then I threw him a boooonnee, yeah. I underthrew him a boooooonneee.”

I can’t say it’s a match for BradyFan83′s original work though. Despite my distaste for Tom Brady and the New England Patriots in general, this video is too good to not enjoy.

Thank you BradyFan83.

Read the rest of the updates on the Michael Vick story here.

In any case, after some instigating from Brandon, Rory, Randall and myself, Lindsay finally succumbed and agreed to snort the contents of an entire Pixie Stick off the back of her palm. The results are fairly spectacular.

Like a pro…a true pro.

We almost started calling Lindsay “The Hoover” after that…but we spared her.

The transcript of comments are as follows:

Rory Felton: This is the kind of shit you do in fourth grade! Fourth Grade! Fourth Grade!
Randall Jenkins: Oh my god that was amazing!
Kyle Davidson: Your nose is gonna fall off.
Randall Jenkins: How does it feel though?
Lindsay Strannigan: It feels like shit!

Oh what a night that was.

Apparently this is a fairly common practice. Don’t worry Lindsay, yr in good company.

When Ichiro Suzuki was asked how he felt about having to make the trip, he delivered what I have to consider the quote of the year (through his translator of course):

“To tell the truth, I’m not excited to go to Cleveland, but we have to. If I ever saw myself saying ‘I’m excited going to Cleveland,’ I’d punch myself in the face, because I’m lying.”

Albania, as you probably do not might recall, is one of our “staunch allies” in the war on terror, contributing a whopping 120 troops in Iraq. Albania is also largely pro-U.S. because of the United States’ desire for Kosovo, whose residents are largely Albanian, to become an independent state. This was also the first visit by a US leader to Albania in history. All of this added up to quite the hero’s welcome for Bush.

Bush walked through the sidewalks, soaking in every ounce of attention given to him. People cheered, chanted his name, grabbed his arms and even hugged and kissed the President (on the cheek, don’t worry Laura). I almost sympathized with the guy for a minute. Almost everyone in the world hates you, and constantly reminds you of it, and then you come to a place like this, clearly looking for support, and when you get any of it, it has to feel rewarding. Then I remembered how much of a dick he is.

But enough of that…the real question is, did they steal his watch?

This video clearly shows bush, taking in the love, with a watch on his left wrist. During the video, you’ll see the watch circled, and then a few seconds later, it disappears. Did the loving Albanians decide to keep it as a souvenir? Apparently not.

Watch the video again. Just before the watch disappears, you’ll see Bush covertly reach behind his back with his left hand. The bodyguard quietly removes the watch before Bush reaches back into the crowd. Bush’s message to the Albanian people, a very Bateman-esque…

“Don’t touch the watch.”

Genarlow Wilson has already served 27 months of a 10-year felony sentence for receiving oral sex from a 15-year-old girl when he was 17. Because of an archaic Georgia law on the books at the time of his trial, he could have been charged only with a misdemeanor if he and the girl had engaged in sexual intercourse. Subsequently, that law was changed; but Wilson remained in jail, which led to editorials in The New York Times and a letter from former president Jimmy Carter protesting the injustice of Wilson’s original sentence.

The 10-year prison sentence of former Atlanta-area high school athlete and honor student Genarlow Wilson…was voided on Monday by a Georgia judge. Wilson’s attorney, B.J. Bernstein, told ESPN.com that she is attempting to have him released as soon as possible, which would put an end to a long legal battle.

The finding of fact and conclusions of law in the order stated that “the fact that Genarlow Wilson has spent two years in prison for what is now classified as a misdemeanor, and without assistance from this Court, will spend eight more years in prison, is a grave miscarriage of justice. If any case fits into the definitive limits of a miscarriage of justice, surely this case does.”

The state appealed Monday’s ruling, and it is possible that Wilson, 21, could remain behind bars pending the result of that appeal.

Bernstein told reporters she believes Baker is just trying to stop Wilson’s immediate release.

Here’s to that appeal getting denied and perhaps a tiny sliver of justice being delivered.

A study by the Baltimore Sun found “a significant increase in the number of recruits with what the Army terms ‘serious criminal misconduct’ in their background” — a category that includes “aggravated assault, robbery, vehicular manslaughter, receiving stolen property and making terrorist threats.”

Now, it seems, there may be some backlash from the Army failing to do it’s homework on some recruits, in the everlasting quest to keep up with it’s recruiting goals.

From Stars and Stripes:

U.S. criminal gangs have gained a foothold in the U.S. military and are using overseas deployments to spread tentacles around the globe, according to the FBI.

FBI gang investigator Jennifer Simon said in an e-mail to Stars and Stripes this week that gang members have been documented on or near U.S. military bases in Germany, Italy, Japan, South Korea and Iraq.

“It’s no secret that gang members are prevalent in the armed forces, including internationally,” Simon said.

The article continues:

Scott Barfield, a former Defense Department gang detective at 2nd Cav’s last duty station, Fort Lewis, Wash., told the Sun-Times earlier this year that he had identified more than 300 soldiers at the base as gang members.“I think that’s the tip of the iceberg,” he said.

There are no official statistics on gang membership in the military, but some experts have estimated that 1 percent to 2 percent of the U.S. military are gang members, FBI gang investigator Simon said. That compares with just 0.02 percent of the U.S. population believed to be gang members, she wrote.

Although there are no numbers to back it up, Simon believes gang member presence in the U.S. military is increasing.

Gang-related activity in the military is highly underreported, and the Army is the only branch of the military that collects gang-related statistics, she wrote.

“It’s often in the military’s best interest to keep these incidents quiet, given low recruitment numbers and recent negative publicity. The relaxation of recruiting standards, recruiter misconduct and the military’s lack of enforcement (gang membership is not prohibited in the Army) have compounded the problem and allowed gang member presence in the military to proliferate,” Simon said.

Here is some more info on the gangs mentioned in the article:

Gangster Disciples

MS-13

In a race that saw four Safety Car periods, several major rule violations, unlikely passes, and multiple crashes, including one by Robert Kubica that was perhaps the most horrendous crash in recent Formula 1 memory (video and more photos below)…there certainly was no shortage of entertainment.The race began with Fernando Alonso getting a great start on teammate polesitter Lewis Hamilton. As Alonso came rocketing around the outside of Hamilton into turn 1, the Spaniard quickly found himself in bad position for turn two and went off into the grass. Nick Heidfeld passed Alonso through turn 2, and Felipe Massa nearly made it around as well, just being squeezed out by Alonso at the last second. This was the first of Fernando Alonso’s many mistakes at the turn 1 and 2 complex. Each would cost him positions.

Alonso, having the first of his many off-road excursions. AP Photo/Canadian Press, Ryan Remiorz

From there the race remained relatively uneventful…and then the Safety Cars came. The first came on lap 23, when Adrian Sutil smacked his Spyker-Ferrari into the wall. Immediately before the crash Lewis Hamilton made his first pit stop. This left him in a perfect position for the race win, and he went on to do just that. His teammate, however, would not be so lucky.

(I need to get my one Formula 1 conspiracy theory in here. Did anyone else find it amazingly coincidental that Lewis Hamilton pitted almost exactly at the same time the Sutil crash occured. Obviously the stewards seemed to be scrutinizing just about everything during the race today, but I found the timing to be pretty extraordinary. FOX has taken over American F1 coverage for the next few races and decided to break right at this point in the race, so I didn’t get to see how these events transpired. Anyone with insight, please share it!)

Shortly after the restart, BMW Sauber driver, Robert Kubica went wide on the approach to turn 10, got up onto the curbing and crashed into the retaining wall, the sliced back across the track, rolling over once and finally crashing into the wall on the opposite side of the track. If you’ve ever wondered what happens when you get air underneath a car at 180mph, here you go.

Remarkably, Kubica suffered nothing more than a slight concussion and a sprained ankle. Truly amazing. Here are some more photographs that show how extreme the impact was.

Formula1.com

AP Photo/Canadian Press, Jacques Boissinot

AP Photo/Canadian Press, Jacques Boissinot

AP Photo/Canadian Press, Jacques Boissinot

Formula1.com

After Kubica’s crash, the second, and longest, Safety Car period began. This was when Alonso and McLaren made a huge error.

The 2007 FIA Sporting Regulations stipulate that all cars on track must line up behind the safety car before the Pit Lane will open. McLaren tried to take liberty with this rule, and it cost Alonso dearly. Alonso pitted before the Pit Lane was open and as a result, he was issued a 10 second stop and go penalty. Coincidentally, Nico Rosberg and Williams-Toyota made the same mistake, also resulting in the same penalty.

However, those wouldn’t be the only penalties handed out on the day. On lap 49, Christian Albers crashed his Spyker-Ferrari into the wall, littering the track with pieces of carbon fibre. This brought on the third Safety Car period of the day, during which, race control made it known that Felipe Massa and Giancarlo Fisichella were both disqualified from the race for exiting the pit lane under a red light. Another crucial violation by two of the top teams in Formula 1.

The race resumed at normal pace…once again briefly, until Antonio Liuzzi crashed his Toro Rosso into the famed “Champions Wall,” exiting turn 14. Yet ANOTHER safety car period ensued, which was then extended by Jarno Trulli bizarrely crashing his Toyota into the wall at turn 2, after exiting the pits, while under yellow. Notverysmart.

The final remaining highlight of the race, to me the absolute highlight of the race, was Super Aguri driver Takuma Sato’s outside pass of the world champion Fernando Alonso into the Turn 14 braking area.

Hamilton, of course, went on to win the race. Alonso finished 8th. With Felipe Massa black flagged and Kimi Räikkönen finishing an uninspiring 5th, Ferrari falls further behind in the race for both the drivers and constructors championships.

Official Results

Drivers Championship

Constructors Championship

AP PHOTO/CP, Paul Chiasson

Memo to Ferrari: Figure out a way to bring this guy back.

THE ENQUIRER / JEFF SWINGER

On Saturday, June 9, Chad Johnson raced a horse…and won. Here’s the video.

In fairness to the horse (and so as to not fall into the sensational journalism crowd), it was only an a 200 meter race…and Chad had a 100 meter head start. So, it wasn’t really a race…at all. Still, that didn’t diminish Chad’s enthusiasm, nor did it keep him from trash talking before the event.

“Look at him over there,” CJ said, pointing to the horse. “This is how DBs feel before the game. He’s antsy. He’s nervous.”

Eighty-Five also showed no signs that this would be his sole off season sideshow.

“Floyd Merriweather, you’re next,” he said. “I want to fight you. I’d like to take Kobe and LeBron one-on-one. Jeff Gordon, we can take a couple laps.”

I love your enthusiasm, Chad…but you beat a horse in a 200m race, with 100m head start…I don’t think you’ll be taking on Merriweather anytime soon.

A former South Carolina prosecutor told the AJC on Friday that he saw evidence that Vick kept dogs in that state while he was prosecuting a major dogfighting case in 2004.

“I had actually heard, as part of our investigation, that Vick had some dogs here in South Carolina,” said William Frick, the lead prosecutor in the David Ray Tant dogfighting case.

Frick said he did not know what kind of dogs Vick had in South Carolina but that he assumed they were “fighting dogs.” Asked for specifics, Frick said Vick had a “dog yard” and it was not something that would bring charges.

Frick is no longer with the attorney general’s office and currently is in private practice in Columbia. Tant, whom authorities labeled as the No. 2 dog breeder in the country, pleaded guilty and was sentenced to a 40-year prison term.

“I’m not surprised to hear that somewhere here in South Carolina that we have a connection,” Frick said. “But as far as whether it’s Tant or not, I really don’t know if they dealt with each other.”

According to Poindexter, investigators have interviewed two South Carolina inmates regarding the case involving Vick’s Virginia property. Poindexter also said of Thursday’s involvement by federal authorities, “The jurisdictional basis is some sort of interstate violation.”

Poindexter continued to defend the actions of local authorities and his own oversight on the case.”We’ve been prudent,” he said. “I’m trying to do my job. … I’m interested to see how fast [federal authorities] move with this.”The AJC article continues…

Should the evidence gathered by federal authorities show that dogs were killed, such as by gunfire or blunt force, charges far more severe than dogfighting could be brought on a state level, according to Poindexter. Federal charges and punishment also could prove more serious than for dogfighting, Poindexter added.

As of now, local authorities don’t have enough evidence to charge Vick or anyone else, Poindexter said. Poindexter has cautioned that as many as 10 people had access to the property. However, Poindexter said he did think there would be enough evidence — after this forthcoming review — to turn over to a grand jury on July 24, the next scheduled meeting.

Read the rest of the updates on this story here.

When I first saw it, I just stared at it for a few minutes, and just kept asking myself, “What the fuck is that thing?”“Maybe islands, they’re going with the UK theme? No, nothing recognisable about those shapes in relation to the UK. Smashed British road signs? No. Someone got drunk on the last day of the deadline, opened Illustrator, selected the pen tool, randomly clicked a punch of points on the artboard, and said ‘Fuck it…I give up?’”

Definitely.After reading the commentary on the logo, and only after reading the commentary, I was informed that the logo was actually “2-0-1-2,” as in the year that the games are taking place. Creative. I continued reading and learned that the logo cost £400,000. Not $400,000. £400,000…almost $1,000,000. Justifying their waste of money investment, the chairman of the London Organising Committee for the Olympic Games, Seb Coe, came through with a litany of ridiculous quotes.

“It’s not a logo, it’s a brand that will take us forward for the next five years.”

Or five days?

“It won’t be to be everybody’s taste immediately but it’s a brand that we genuinely believe can be a hard working brand which builds on pretty much everything we said in Singapore about reaching out and engaging young people, which is where our challenge is over the next five years.”

Why would you put out a logo that you knew wouldn’t “be to everybody’s taste” immediately? You go to the Olympics with the logo you have…not the logo you’d like to have? I’ve seen this logic somewhere before.

“If we don’t that, then frankly the whole project is unsustainable.”

Frankly, the whole project is unsustainable.

I’m not going to say this is the worst logo I’ve ever seen (I mean, I did go to Ai after all), but I am going to say that it’s definitely led me to question to aesthetic opinions of the British people.

Then, I saw this poll on the BBC news website:

So, apparently most of them hate it as well. That’s great news. My faith in the British had been revived.

Then I went to The official site of the London 2012 Olympic and Paralympic Games and saw the “Create your own design” page…and suddenly, the original logo looked like the brilliant work of Saul Bass.

Here are a few wonderful submissions for alternatives to the London 2012 logo:

Now, to their credit, all of these people (I won’t call them designers) were forced to work within a [shitty] template provided by the website, no doubt for the sole purpose of ensuring no one created a logo that was less terrible than the original.

I went back to the BBC article and continued to read. Apparently, they decided to allow readers to submit their own designs as well…no templates required. At last, I’m sure the BBC will publish quality alternatives that will redeem the visual atrocities that we have all been subjected to, right?

Oh god.

Though, there was one gem…and by gem, I mean, an absolutely-hilarious-to-the-point-that-I-couldn’t-contain-myself gem.

Actually, I’m not sure that you do.

Update: The one line in the article which stated that ESPN Radio reported that nearly three dozen dog carcasses had been found has been removed from the article as of 10pm EDT. I have sent an email to the writer, requesting clarification on why it has been removed.

UPDATE: I received the following e-mail from the author of the article on wvec.com:

Mr. Davidson,

Unfortunately a Web content editor added the line about the supposed dog carcasses found on the property without consulting me. I still don’t know what prompted her to add this information. When I realized this sentence had been added to my story, I immediately had it removed. We have since run a correction. To my deep regret, in the seven hours it was on our site, other media picked it up and repeated it.

We have since run a correction.

Hope that explains things,

Patrick

In “unrelated” news, Vick has canceled his youth football camp due to “scheduling issues.”

Read the rest of the updates on this story here.

“What is foreign to me is the federal government getting into a dogfighting case,” Poindexter said. “I know it’s been done, but what’s driving this? Is it this boy’s celebrity? Would they have done this if it wasn’t Michael Vick?”

Poindexter said he was “absolutely floored” that federal officials got involved, and that he believes he and Sheriff Harold D. Brown handled the investigation properly.

“Apparently these people want it,” Poindexter said. “They want it, and I don’t believe they want it because of the serious criminal consequences involved. … They want it because Michael Vick may be involved.”

Poindexter said he found out about a sealed search warrant filed in the U.S. Attorney’s office about the time federal investigators executed it Thursday.

“If they’ve made a judgment that we’re not acting prudently and with dispatch based on what we have, they’ve not acting very wisely,” Poindexter said.

He said Surry County officials were preparing another search warrant for the property and that the investigative team planned to meet to make sure they had all the experts needed to make the search most effective.

“There’s a larger thing here, and it has nothing to do with any breach of protocol,” Poindexter said. “There’s something awful going on here. I don’t know if it’s racial. I don’t know what it is.”

To use Poindexter’s words, I’m absolutely “floored” that he would make comments like these. As an elected official, it seems that one might have a bit more self control when it comes to airing their personal opinions on a case into the press…especially when Poindexter stated earlier that he “doesn’t try cases in the press.” Right, because these statements were completely appropriate and won’t have any effect on the juror pool, should this case go to trial.

With that said, of course the level of interest in this case is going to be higher than if it was a John Doe from Virginia involved. Even if it was another football player that was not a huge superstar (though it pains me to say that Vick is a superstar), this case would not be getting near the coverage that it currently is.

But, give this some thought before you try and claim that race is an issue: If you replaced Peyton Manning with Michael Vick in this case, do you think that the scrutiny would be any less? Absolutely not. In fact, it would probably be more.

The point is, the justice system, both state and local, must give the appearance of due diligence, especially in such a public case. They are being watched every step of the way. It’s very possible that the Federal Government did not feel that the officials at the local level were handling the case in an appropriate manner. They may have stepped in to remove the perception that a local celebrity might be receiving preferential treatment in a case. They may have stepped into to remove the perception that a celebrity was being unjustly prosecuted in a case.

More likely, however, they stepped in because Gerald Poindexter couldn’t show the ability to be consistent. Every single day, it seemed as if we had a new prosecutor involved in the case. Whether this was for any reason at all, which judging by his recent comments, it very well might have been, it was completely incompetent and lended itself to further speculation.Regardless of how this case turned out, if for no other reason than to remove the perception that this case may not have been handled appropriately, it was clearly the right move for the Feds to get involved.

Read the updates on this story here.